Hebetudinous
(from Homeschooling and the Voyage of Self-Discovery)

“Spell “hebetudinous”!”

I had just fallen out of bed and, with eyes not yet fully functioning (ah, the evils of middle age), and staggered my way to the stove to put on water for my morning coffee. There was Meera, my 10-year-old, already awake (a rare event), and she didn’t even say “good morning!”

“What did you say?” I mumbled, trying to get my ears in focus.

“Spell “hebetudinous”.”

I thought I heard a percussive sound. Hepatudinous. Maybe to do with an enlarged liver. Something like “splenetic”? New one on me.

“Can you use it in a sentence?” (I really wasn’t stalling for time. Well, to be honest, maybe a little….)

“He was hebetudinous,” she replied, impatiently waiting for me to blunder.

Fat help that was. And so I went ahead and misspelled it, based on my extensive knowledge of Greek body parts.

She laughed in glee. Stumped the chump.

My wife Ellen gave me the story behind how “hebetudinous” came to be in our household. While at work, Ellen received a call from Meera.

“Ali called me stupid!” complained Meera about her 13-year-old sister.

“Put her on,” said my wife. “Aliyah, if you are going to call your sister names, at least use more interesting ones.”

There. That would put an end to that! Isn’t it great when you can end squabbling among siblings so easily?

“You’re hebetudinous,” said Aliyah, having found a literal way around the implied prohibition.

“What’s hebetudinous?” asked Meera.

“Go look it up,” replied Aliyah.

“How do you spell it?”

Aliyah spelled it for her. Meera got out her dictionary. There it was. Hebetudinous.

Adj. Lacking in intelligence; blockheaded, dense, doltish, obtuse, lethargic. Dull and stupid.

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